国外也有段子手：巴萨不给力，那西甲冠军岂不就是...

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，利物浦和曼城继续大胜，北伦敦德比以平局收场，尤文补时惊险造乌龙取胜，而巴萨、皇马、曼联、切尔西等球队则纷纷战平。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

3轮仅积4分，巴萨2-2奥萨苏纳

Hyunks(曼联球迷)：巴萨踢得太丢人了，简直就是西甲曼联！(Shame on Barca, almost Spanish Man United now.)

kaden_dd(阿森纳球迷)：在梅西伤愈之前，巴萨基本就处在休假状态了…(Barca taking a break from football till Messi comes back.)

nayan99agal(巴萨球迷)：好希望马竞也丢分啊，不然我们夺西甲冠军就难了…(better hope atletico drop points now otherwise we are in trouble for La liga.)

ansharifi(皇马球迷)：就没人关心一下我吗…(No one cares me?)

Ceez92(巴萨球迷)：如果眯着眼睛看，奥萨苏纳的球衣和巴萨其实挺像的，这样就显得我们踢得好了一点。(If I squint Osasuna kit looks like Barca's and we don't look as bad.)

Gutzzu(皇马球迷)：布斯克茨想要传球给梅西，可是梅西正在摩纳哥陪C罗吃午饭呢！(Busquets with a pass to Messi but Messi is having a lunch with Ronaldo in Monaco.)

My13InchDuck(巴萨球迷)：还买啥内马尔啊，我们能从巴黎把图赫尔直接买来吗？(Fuck Neymar, can we buy Tuchel from PSG?)

thethomatoman(圣保罗球迷)：我才18岁，可我看到比我小两岁的弟弟都在联赛里为巴萨进球，瞬间感觉自己老了...(I'm starting to feel old. I'm only 18 yet dudes two years younger than me are scoring for Barca in the league.)

Ceez92(巴萨球迷)：现在巴萨急需团建活动，聚餐吃个烤肉啥的，然后把C罗叫来发表励志演讲一波！(This team needs to have a BBQ together and get that team mentality, maybe invite Ronaldo over to give a speech on dedication and hard work.)

WonDerm(巴萨球迷)：演讲完了留下来怎样？(How about staying here afterwards?)

nikica251(巴萨球迷)：为啥对手第一次得到机会我们就会丢球啊？上次也是这样...(How do we always concede from their first chance? Same thing happened last game.)

doge_IV(皇马球迷)：现在你明白上赛季我们在伯纳乌输你们0-3的感受了吧！(Now you know what we felt when you won 0-3 on bernabeu last year.)

HacksawJimDGN(巴萨球迷)：10年以后，这个帖子必将会被挖坟来看球迷对法蒂第一粒进球的反应！(This thread will be dragged up in 10 years to see how everyone reacted to Fati's 1st goal.)

thunderboy13(巴萨球迷)：插播！巴黎提出1.3亿+内马尔来交换法蒂！(Just in: Psg offered Neymar+130 mil for Ansu fati.)

贝尔两球又染红，皇马2-2黄潜

RobbieWard123(女王公园巡游者球迷)：齐达内好像忘了自己是不喜欢贝尔的…(Zidane kind of forgot he didn’t like Bale.)

CaptainSkull22(切尔西球迷)：贝尔最大的成就便是让人们认为齐达内是个好教练…(Bale's greatest achievement was making people believe Zidane is a good manager.)

TheEsotericRunner(曼联球迷)：贝尔射门的时候根本不看球，也不看球飞出的方向啊！(Bale didn't even look at the ball or in the direction of the ball when he shot.)

Luis0224(皇马球迷)：他只是把球当成齐达内的脑袋罢了。(He just pretends its zidane's head.)

KapSan1(巴萨球迷)：这个比赛日稍微让我感觉不那么狗血了…(This has the potential to make this matchday a little less shit for me.)

Nikicaga(未知主队球迷)：西甲冠军之争将会是马竞VS洛佩特吉的塞维利亚！(The title race is going to be Atletico vs Lopetegui's Sevilla. Huh.)

焦点之战，阿森纳2-2热刺

MattyIce60(曼联球迷)：我幻想着大卫-路易斯和穆斯塔菲搭档的中后卫组合呢！(I fantasize about the Luiz-Mustafi centre-back pairing.)

Lessom(利物浦球迷)：感觉路易斯把本就混乱的阿森纳防线搞的更糟了…(I feel like Luiz make arsenal poor defense ever worse.)

FatWalcott(阿森纳球迷)：如果没有越位规则的话，那科拉希纳茨一定能赢7次金球奖！(If the offside rule didn't exist, Kolasinac would he a 7 time Balon D'or winner.)

MutedDollar(埃弗顿球迷)：加里-内维尔刚说到：“扎卡是一名经验老到的球员，就是从没把经验表现出来过。”(Gary Neville just described Xhaka as an 'experienced player who never seems experienced'.)

Youngflyabs(科特迪瓦球迷)：扎卡坚定了我去踢职业的决心！(Xhaka makes me feel better about my chances to go pro.)

Masonbrit(切尔西球迷)：扎卡这些动作就像是你玩FIFA游戏0-5落后时一样。(Xhaka with the kind of tackle you do when you’re down by 5 on fifa)

库利巴利乌龙绝杀，尤文4-3那不勒斯

Artificialdick(未知主队球迷)：安切洛蒂好不容易也下半场连进了3球，结果…(Finally Ancellotti had a chance to score 3 in the second half but…)

FalkoneyeCH(本菲卡球迷)：安切洛蒂的眉毛都快飞到天上去了。(Ancelotti's eyebrow drifting off in to space.)

SamirLwydadi(未知主队球迷)：意大利足球就是22个人追着球跑90分钟，最后尤文获胜的简单游戏而已。(Italian football is a simple game, 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, Juve always win.)

Aru10(尤文球迷)：德利赫特和库利巴利在比赛谁的身价掉得最多呢！(DeLigt And Koulibaly in competition on whose value drops more.)

DarkSofter(曼联球迷)：想象一下你是意甲球迷，15年前你看完内斯塔和马尔蒂尼的比赛后昏厥至今，然后醒来看见现在这场景…(Imagine being in a coma for 15 years as a serie a supporter watching nesta and maldini and waking up to this.)

jr2106(未知主队球迷)：想象一下你是曼联球迷，15年前你看完曼联横扫一切后昏厥至今，然后醒来看见现在这场景…(Imagine being in a coma for 15 years as a Utd supporter watching your team dominate and waking up to this.)

菲尔米诺英超50球，利物浦3-0伯恩利

unglaubich_dich(利物浦球迷)：最早打进50个英超进球的巴西人...本来应该是你的，库蒂尼奥。(First Brazilian to score 50 premier league goals…could have been you Coutinho.)

VinceRussoShoots(未知主队球迷)：曼城和利物浦正把英超变成皇马巴萨一样的二人转！(City and Liverpool are making the EPL into a two horse race similar to Real and Barcelona.)

Martchsub2(未知主队球迷)：皇马巴萨现在不更像是切尔西和曼联吗？(Real and Barcelona are more similar to Chelsea and Man united now.)

轻松取胜，曼城4-0布莱顿

CruyffsPlan(巴萨球迷)：我是认真的，现在哪支交手过的球队还没有被瓜帅进过至少4球的…(Serious question. What teams have city NOT scored Atleast 4 goals on ever since Pep came over?)

Jayveesac(阿森纳球迷)：暂时还没进过阿森纳4球以上，嗯，暂时…(They haven't put 4 past Arsenal yet. Keyword, yet...)

詹姆斯进球，曼联1-1南安普顿

Sharcbait(利物浦球迷)：曼联现在不是强队的状态啊，恐怕狼队要遇到麻烦了。(Man U is so out of form that Wolves are getting worried about playing them.)

Aedmore(阿森纳球迷)：要是曼联每周都去踢切尔西该多好啊！(If only the could play Chelsea every week.)

遭遇平局，切尔西2-2谢菲联

EmhyrvarSpice(切尔西球迷)：稀罕啊，我们竟然有了个能进球的9号！(A number 9 who scores goals. This is new.)

mr_bonner94(未知主队球迷)：这种球莫拉塔就会直接传给对方后卫了，然后告诉他们犯错其实不可怕…(Morata would of passed that ball back to the defenders and tell them it’s okay to make mistakes.)

欧足联颁奖落定，范戴克获最佳

Daftsfl(未知主队球迷)：梅西啊，你咋就不去和C罗一起吃晚饭呢？(Messi why you no have dinner with Ronaldo.)

nayan99agal(西班牙球迷)：他们去吃晚饭的话，最后谁来付钱？(wonder who will gonna pay the bill of dinner.)

Nonachalantly(未知主队球迷)：怎么没人抱怨听不懂梅西说话？难道只有我一个人不会西班牙语么？有没有大神翻译一下…(Why is no one here complaining that they can't understand Messi? Am I the only one who doesn't speak Spanish here? Can someone please translate.)

GJXN1990(曼城球迷)：梅西说：“我当然想念C罗了，这是美妙的对决。我只希望我的队友能有C罗十分之一的本事，这样我特么就不用一直扛这球队走了，我的背疼还能好点。”(He says: "Of course I miss him, we have a fantastic rivalry. I only wish my team mates had a tenth of the commitment of this guy. My back is aching from carrying this weak as fuck team.")

GujjuGang7(未知主队球迷)：我学了3年西班牙语，我确定他翻译的对！(Can confirm, took 3 years of Spanish.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！